after my first miscarriage my body went kinda haywire. the miscarriage was in late may/early june, and i didn’t have a period again until september.

but september wasn’t such a lovely month for us. we had planned a quiet night at home one evening — my job was to walk the dogs and pick up some wine and cheese while s finished his training ride. knowing s would be gone for a while the dogs and i went for a leisurely stroll through our ‘hood, stopping to chat with neighbors and enjoying the light of the late summer evening. when we got home i turned right around to go my favorite wine shop. never mind the blinking lights on the answering machine.

when i finally returned it was to seven frantic phone messages. six of them were from an e.r. nurse telling me my husband wanted to see me. but the first was a long, rambling, extremely apologetic message from the friend of the man who had just hit s with his car. “don’t worry, ma’am, he’s ok. i mean, i saw him stand up and everything. they took him to the hospital just to be safe. but he’s breathing and everything.” he said a lot more than this, but it was all drowned out by the screaming sirens in the background and the blood pounding in my head.

s was fine in the long run — a short hospital stay, a fractured elbow and punctured lung — but in the short run, well, not so good. and it was weeks before his rib didn’t cause excruciating pain every time he breathed.

so it was in the long run that we finally got pregnant again. late the next winter we were pleased to watch two pink lines appear in the home pg test, and i was enough of a newbie not to be dismayed by the absence of morning sickness. then sometime during the 7th week i started to bleed. i called the nurse/midwife who listened to my “symptoms” and told me i was probably having a miscarriage. i burst into tears. she was very kind, and waited quietly on the other end of the phone until i was ready to talk. she walked me through what to expect, and what should prompt me to call her back.

there wasn’t any need for another call — i had a complete m/c, all tidied up within 10 days or so. she did recommend that i have some bloodwork done, which i did, and whatever she saw (i think it was low progesterone but honestly i don’t remember) made her tell me that she wanted me to work with an ob rather than with her. something about “high risk” blah blah blah. i really didn’t think much of it. i mean, i was getting pregnant. how much of a problem could there be?

yes, i was sad. i was bummed that i would no longer have a nurse/midwife, and the ob she’d recommended was a man, which had me down a bit, too. i was worried that i’d never have children. and kicking myself for waiting until i was in my 30s. it felt like hard times. but now, good god, what halcyon days they seem.